


生き甲斐 | Ikigai | A Reason For Being

by rrsau



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 16:34:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6618118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rrsau/pseuds/rrsau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The amount of times he had been around the other only left him in utter confusion and even though he senses the rapid rush in his heart, he does not understand what that feeling really meant. It took a few days—no more and no less. "Kuroo, I finally realized that you are my reason for being. I am sorry it took so long, but I finally realized it."</p>
            </blockquote>





	生き甲斐 | Ikigai | A Reason For Being

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, fellow readers on Archive of Our Own! I have recently made this account to step out of my comfort zone as a writer to try to write something in regards to anime. I apologize if the summary is lacking content because I was not prepared even though I usually write summaries for the things I write.
> 
> TUMBLR) I want myself to engage more with the fandom so I took my first approach to create a side-blog. I am using it as a writing blog as of right now, but I plan to have it as a Haikyuu!! content blog. I will keep this in mind though and make my decision wisely. My blog is kkrou.tumblr.com and I have an "about" page which I will link below this paragraph. If you have any prompts or ships that you can share with me or want me to write then please feel free to send a message through my inbox! This will be good practice for me since it will help me write continuously and you can also consider it as a "thank you" from me.  
> \+ rrsau.tumblr.com  
> \+ rrsau.tumblr.com/ask  
> \+ rrsau.tumblr.com/about
> 
> I hope you have a wonderful rest of the day, lovely! ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

Kenma was slowly awoken by the bright rays of the sun. He sighed, wishing to fall asleep again with the feeling of warmth radiating through his body. His schedule this week will be overfilled with volleyball practices in preparation for the preliminaries. He will also have to cram in study sessions whenever possible for final exams which will only be a hassle to look out for. Before getting out of bed, Kenma checked his phone and it was noted that he had gotten a message from his childhood friend.

 **“Kuro” Tetsurō Kuroo  
** **I heard the video game will be released sometime this week, though, you will be busy with practice and exam studying!**

He could sense the intentions of Kuroo trying to rile him up and it was no surprise that it would work. Kenma held his phone tightly and could only trace the edges of the bolded letters that were exposed in the text. He could imagine it—Kuroo holding in his laughter and seemingly praising himself. They have known each other since they were younger and even though their relationship was always of Kuroo trying to annoy the latter, it still gets to him. Another message was sent to him, but instead of making him feel uneasy, Kenma was drawn into the meaning behind the words.

**“Kuro” Tetsurō Kuroo  
Tell you what, I will buy you the game by the end of this week. You can consider it as a reward for working hard during our practices and studying for those lame tests. I said working hard, so don’t you get ahead of yourself and start slacking off! I’ll see you at the gym later.**

Without realization, Kenma smiled upon reading such words from Kuroo. He put down his phone back on the end table and while he was still unintentionally smiling, continued his morning routine.

Kenma has reached Nekoma High, a school located in Tokyo that is known for their strong volleyball members who have played against many schools like Karasuno. He came to practice earlier than expected, but it felt kind of good. He placed his bag to the side of the bench and scanned the court. It seemed unusually bigger with the net properly placed in the center. In his own world, Kenma did not notice Kuroo making his way toward him.

“You got here earlier than me!” Shocked my the sudden outburst, he flinched and felt his hair being ruffled by the older. He stood still and watched Kuroo unzip his own bag. “The thought of me buying your game got your adrenaline running?” Kuroo chuckled and began to change out of his casual clothes. He brought his arms over his head and reached back, pulling his sweatshirt off. Kenma kept his eyes on him. As Kuroo reached for his plain black t-shirt, he stared at his partner questionably and raised an eyebrow. “Are you not going to change?”

The only word that left Kenma’s mouth was an inaudible “oh” which kind of gave a shock to Kuroo. Normally, he does not react to his realizations and would brush it off like nothing had happened, but it seemed to Kuroo that Kenma was actually thinking about it.

It did not take long until the rest of their team arrived along with their coach, Nekomata Yasufumi. The boys lined up in wait for his little group meeting. Everyone stared ahead except for Kenma. His eyes followed Kuroo wherever he went and he could not stop to look away.

“The preliminaries are two weeks away so it seems, but that does not excuse us to slack off. We will hold practice every day no matter the time. The gym will be open for you to use whenever so take it to your advantage!” Yasufumi drew his eyes to every player in the club and stopped at Kenma, noticing how he was not listening. “Coincidentally, you have exams on the same week as practice. I am not responsible for your failure of grades so it is all on you!”

“Yes, coach!”

“Kenma.” Yasufumi still kept his gaze on him. The sudden name caught Kuroo’s attention as well. He looked over at Kenma who was still focused on him. Startled, Kenma turned away and stared at the ground. “Kenma.”

Lev nudged Kenma to get his attention which did the trick. He finally looked up at Yasufumi only to realize his name had been called the entire time. “I’m sorry!” Kenma bowed apologetically.

“What’s got you in the gutter, Kenma?” The question caught him off guard. Kenma was unsure himself and could not come to respond. He did not know what to say.

“He’s out of it right now from staying up too late to study for the exams coming up. He’ll be back in state soon.” Everyone stared at Kuroo who spoke out of order. Kenma widened his eyes from astonishment, but he still kept his bow in form.

“I see.” That was the only thing that Yasufumi could say. He dismissed them to start practice, but Kenma did not move. “Kenma.”

“I’m sorry!” Kuroo eyed Kenma with sorrow. This was not like him at all.

“I hope this will be the last time to happen this week.” With that, Yasufumi stepped away to seat himself on the bench. Kenma clenched his fists and made his way toward the others.

“What’s going on with him?” Yamamoto spoke to Kuroo. They watched Kenma walk around the post to the wrong side.

“I don’t know. I can’t read him for some reason.” Kuroo reached for the volleyball in Yamamoto’s hands. “I guess we will be playing on the other side today. Sorry.”

* * *

Kenma shoved his shirt inside his bag angrily while the others stared at him with worry. Kuroo walked over to give his friend a pat on the back, but was rudely ignored. He packed his remaining belongings and left immediately. “Kenma!” Kuroo did not have enough time to change. If he did, Kenma would already be out of sight. He strapped his bag and rested it on his shoulder. He told everyone that everything will be okay before leaving the gym to follow Kenma.

“Kenma!” Kuroo breathed heavily. He was able to reach Kenma, but although he made it known that he caught up to him, Kenma kept walking. “I shouldn’t have told you I would be buying the game. Sorry!” Kuroo was still trying to catch his breath.

Kenma stopped in his tracks. “As if you thought that would lighten the mood. I don’t know what’s going on with me right now.”

“I guess I was wrong. It wasn’t about the game then, haha!”

“Don’t bother following me home.” Kuroo frowned when he heard this. Kenma rarely fell into these kinds of moods and whenever he does, it means he is thinking about something that is affecting him mentally or rather physically.

“Kenm–”

“Stopping calling my name. I think I’ve heard enough of it today.” Kenma continued his walk home without minding Kuroo.

“I’ll be here.” Kenma’s ears perked and managed to turn around. “I’ll be here if you need me. I will listen. I will try my best to help.”

* * *

 Kenma dropped his bag on the ground and settled himself on his bed. His breathing became rasp and he felt a burning sensation in his cheeks. He brought his hand over his chest and thought to himself. _No, this can’t be._

He sat there for awhile—thinking and contemplating. Kenma was getting tired, but he would try to refrain himself from sleeping. He needed to sort himself out. He needed to figure out why he acted the way he did during practice and why he spoke to Kuroo with anger. It was frustrating. There were so many things that Kenma could list, but none of them seemed right.

Daylight faded in the midst of the evening. Kenma yawned and felt his eyes closing on him. He did not resist the temptation to sleep anymore since he had wished all day today to fall asleep again with the feeling of warmth radiating through his body.

Kenma woke up late today. He checked his phone as a part of his morning routine and cussed under his breath. What is going on with him?

“I’m sorry!” Kenma clenched his fists even tighter than yesterday with regret written over his face. Yasufumi sighed and dismissed him.

“Kuroo, you didn’t give him a warning call?” Lev and Yamamoto exchanged glances with him. Kuroo observed Kenma while he changed out of his clothes.

“He needs space.” Kuroo nonchalantly answered and walked to the wrong side of the court, knowing Kenma would make the same mistake as yesterday. He was not wrong. “We will be playing on this side again. Sorry.”

* * *

He was angry again, though, more than before. Kenma did not understand why he is not serving the team properly. His mind was not in the right state and he felt so much pressure on his shoulders from all the glares Yasufumi has given him.

“For some reason, you’re getting cuter whenever you get angry.” Kenma looked over at Kuroo and his cheeks were automatically flushed with heat. _No, this can’t be._

* * *

 Kenma walked ahead of Kuroo, who was exceptionally quiet as well. The two of them were kicking pebbles in their path and it became a game of who can kick the most. Kenma can hear soft laughter coming from both sides and he abruptly stopped, causing Kuroo to bump into him. He tilted his head slightly, not understanding what was going on.

“You’re a distraction.” Kenma did not mean to say that and the way he said it became a misunderstanding not only for Kuroo, but for him too.

“Why so suddenly?” Kuroo clutched onto the strap of his bag. He was hurt, but he tried to fathom the reasons that Kenma could possibly have. He did not say anything and did not try to take back what he had said. Kuroo turned to his left and viewed the path that separated itself from the prefecture. “I will use this path for the rest of the week. I realized you needed space, but I guess I was not being considerate.” Kuroo reached for Kenma’s hair to ruffle it, but only managed to brush the tips with his fingers before catching himself. He brought his arm down knowing that Kenma’s touch was not under his and made his way back home alone.

“Kuro–” Kenma shifted his legs toward Kuroo, but he was already gone. He brought his hand over his chest again and gripped onto his shirt. Why did he feel like crying? Why did he feel so—alone?

* * *

Kenma did not sleep that day, but he was still able to come to practice early for the second time. He noticed Kuroo was further away from him. They did not make any eye contact and Kuroo only walked away as if they did not know each other. Kenma stared at his bag and brought his shirt haltingly over his head and shoulders. _I did not mean it like that, Kuroo. I am sorry._

“Kenma, receive the ball!” He stood there, in the middle of the court not knowing what to do. The volleyball passed Kenma’s side and was caught by the ground. He looked over at Kuroo and felt broken. He did not earn any reaction from Kuroo and that is what hurt him the most. There was no “it is okay” or “you will always have another chance” from Kuroo, something he would always get when he made a mistake. Yasufumi called Kenma over and the rest of the boys froze. Kenma walked over to the bench area and lowered himself.

“Go home.” Yasufumi was furious. “Go home and study for your exams instead.”

* * *

 He walked. He walked and walked until he could not see Nekoma High anymore. It felt as if he had been kicked out or even forgotten. He began to feel inferior with his surroundings and slid against the brick wall that followed the edges of the path.

“Are you okay?”

Kenma looked up and adjusted his eyes to the sun. The figure hovering over him reminded him of Kuroo and just when he got his eyes fitted to the lighting, he felt as if they were only deceiving him.

“Are you okay?” Kuroo asked one last time. “It’s really hard to give you space you know. I just wanted to see how you were doing.”

“Kuro–”

“Coach said you can come back tomorrow, but only if you can get your mind in the right place. You will be fine. I am going to head back now.”

“Kuroo!” Kenma got himself back on his feet and could only see the back of Kuroo. He started to cry. He started to cry and despite trying so hard to hold it in, he could not. “I didn’t mean it like that. I really didn’t.” Kenma got himself closer to Kuroo and clutched onto his shirt. “I didn’t mean it.” Kuroo felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around his waist. He did not know what to do. It was all a shock to him.

“Kenma.”

“Everytime I see you, my mind becomes a mess and whenever you talk to me, my heart constantly beats faster than usual. I don’t know. I feel as if–” Kuroo released the arms around him and faced Kenma. He wiped the lonely tears that streamed down his cheeks and smiled.

“You got me worried.” Kuroo cupped Kenma’s cheeks and without hesitation, locked their lips together. A gentle kiss that had been waiting for too long brought those two closer.

_Kuroo, I finally realized that you are my reason for being. I am sorry it took so long, but I finally realized it._


End file.
